mental health update...

After a visit to my primary care it was decided I should start a new antidepressant. Since I have a bad reaction to most we chose to check in weekly until I could see a psych. Another crash soon followed and Randy and I decided to pay a visit to the emergency mental health facility. After a detailed review we were stuck between going inpatient for immediate assistance or starting the partial hospitalization program. We decided to do the PHP as the boys birthday was this weekend, I am still nursing and I was not an immediate risk.

I began the program Friday and am unsure if it will be the best choice. I will be discussing my concerns with my case manager on Monday to see if this or another program may be in my best interest.


I have also been taken off the antidepressant as it can make my thoughts worse and swapped to a mood stabilizer. We are attempting to see if this will be the better choice as no antidepressant has worked in the past. Unfortunately this has forced us into weaning Giddy this weekend. There are no mood stabilizers that are currently approved to breastfeed with safely, even after reviewing with Infant Risk, that will work with the speed and intensity needed.

our last nursing session

We were close to weaning as is as he only nursed at night for sleep and in the middle of the night.  It is more painful for me than anything as I hate hearing him cry and knowing I can not comfort him in the way he is looking for. He will sleep with the girls until fully weaned to avoid any temptation for myself or him. I was not anticipating this so it struck me out of left field and overwhelmed me.

Today was the boys birthday party and I decided with all of these new changes that I would follow it up with a new hair do. I have wanted short hair for over a year and no stylist would help as I can't commit to upkeep. A newer stylist friend decided to do it for me while the kids played and chopped most of it off. Nothing permanent as hair grows back but enough of a change to feel like a "new me".

Please continue praying for my family and I as these are big changes for us and overwhelming.